The Walmart Experience - revisited.

For our family; Tuesday mornings are the equivalent of Monday mornings in most other households.
That's the day we get up, get dressed and get the kids off to school, in a mad rush, forgetting things on the way, like hats, mittens, lunches and library books. Although this seems like a mad frenzy, our Monday mornings actually resemble something more like the monkey house at the local zoo. Since they don't have school, I don't have the morning chaotic rush, but I also don't have the giant sigh of relief and a few peaceful minutes to myself on those days either. Those are the days that the kids are running about wearing pajamas (or nothing at all) and fighting like little Siamese fighting fish.

So it was on one of these non-school days that I decided to break up the monotony and take the kids to Walmart. A true adventure indeed. You may have read our original Walmart Experience. This time I was feeling rather brave however, and decided to take both of the bigger boys. Chris was home from work early and was able to look after the Joey boy, and also wait for Matthew's new Mattress which was supposed to be delivered sometime between 4:30 - 7:30pm.

So off we go to Walmart - but before we go, I specifically asked Matthew to go to the bathroom, and he insisted that he couldn't go. I should know that this is an omen. I should know that 20 minutes later he will be desperate to go. I should know. I should. But I foolishly let him waltz into the van without peeing first, and 5 minutes later we arrived at the doors to Walmart.

I had only 3 items on my list - pullups, wipes and granola bars. Somehow, about 15 other items made it into my cart - including fudgeo cookies, bread, ravioli and a bag of Hershey kisses (Ok those are for me!).
Whilst wondering down the food aisles the boys had a jolly good time throwing things we don't need in the cart. I spent half my time removing these items and replacing them on the shelves, and the other half calling Matthew back from wherever he had run off to. He is incredibly difficult to take anywhere, even by himself, as he simply cannot walk quietly hanging on to the cart. He is easily distracted by everything from the fans on the ceiling to the toy section which is conveniently located right next to the food. Walmart knows that people like me always end up in the food section, and that's why they put all those alluring toys right there. to torture me. to torture my kids when I say "no". It's painful.

Duncan found several toy electric guitars that he thought were wonderful - taking each one off the shelf and testing it out.
Matthew flew in and out of the aisles, laughing, running, unable to stay still. I finally managed to tear them away from the shelves and head to the checkout counter.
Once again, Walmart was in fine form with 2 of their 18 checkouts open, and a large lineup in each of them. Matthew was getting out of control, as the checkout is the absolute biggest torture for him. Imagine, having to stand in line - and do nothing - all the while with a whole checkout aisle full of candy and chocolate that mummy won't buy, so don't bother asking! As he ran off, I was afraid of losing my place in line, so I put him in the cart, and buckled him up.
this was not met with approval, and loud wailing filled the air.
I should mention that on this whole outing, Duncan (who is 4) was absolutely good as gold, staying with the cart, listening very well, and even leaving his precious electric guitars without complaining.
Now as Matthew screamed in the cart, he suddenly wailed that he HAD to go PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Their timing is impeccable.

Here is my predicament:

The bathrooms are located on the other side of the checkouts, as you are leaving the store.
Matthew is screaming at the top of his lungs that he has to pee, and I believe that he really does.
There are several people lined up behind me, and only two people ahead of me.
there are 2 checkouts open, and a third opens up - the girl points to the man in front of me and says "I can take you sir"
WHAT THE ?????? - He is next to be served anyway and I have 2 small kids one of whom is screaming to pee - Why didn't she take ME? I'm shaking my head at the idiocy that Walmart employs, but it does mean that I move up in my line, and should be through the checkout to those bathrooms in a short period of time.
Except that the lady ahead of me held things up. Grrrrr, why does this have to happen at the worst possible moment?
She was buying about 15 pairs of jeans, and every time the cashier scanned the UPC tag, she would challenge the price.
On EVERY PAIR. I was starting to get impatient, and a little bit worried that Matthew would have an accident right there in line - that would be par for the course now wouldn't it?
So, while denim lady was arguing about the price of jeans at walmart, I did the unthinkable.
I grabbed two chocolate bars off the shelf and turned to Duncan.
"Sweetie - if you take Matthew to the bathroom right now, I will buy you each a chocolate bar".

Yes, I was desperate.

There is always the question of when to let your kids have a little independence - when do you let them go to the bathroom alone? I am a bit of a paranoid mom, and my first response to this question is usually somewhere around 12 yrs old.
However, standing there in a line that was continually getting longer and not moving, and feeling that I was so close to the finish, and seeing my son dancing around with a crazed look in his eyes that said " Help,my back teeth are floating" I let my 3 and 4 yr old boys be bribed into early independence.

Before anyone gets all crazy on me, I have to say that I can see the doors of the bathroom from my spot in line, and in all fairness, the boys have never been to the men's room in that walmart, as they are always with me, so their first reaction was to go to the ladies room, which was fine by me. I stood and watched them as my proud 4 yr old stepped up to the plate with the maturity of a child much older. "C'mon Matthew, I'll show you where to go" and he marched his little brother to the bathroom, and stood with the door open the way I always do (usually because I have a cart full of groceries that I've paid for that I don't want to take into the bathroom, so I stand with the door open to keep an eye on the kids and an eye on my cart.)

From my spot in line I could see people going in and out of the bathroom, glancing at my son on their way in as he held the door for everyone, and still the lady arguing about the jeans was completely oblivious that her petty bickering had put me in a rather precarious position. The saleslady finally told her that no matter how many times she scanned the jeans, the same price would come up, and she couldn't override that just becuase said lady wanted a volume discount. She offered to call the manager at which point, "Jean" threw down a pair in disgust and said she would just take the 14 pairs already rung up.
With Jean out of the way, my purchases were now being rung up - I'm sure the saleslady thought I was incredibly rude for having my back turned to her the whole time, but my eyes were glued to that bathroom door. After a few minutes that felt like an eternity, the boys came bounding out, Matthew looking around wildly for me, and Duncan calmly guiding him back to where I was standing, ready to pay for my stuff. We paid and made it out to the van without any further hassles, and on the way home, I told Duncan how very proud I was of him for his wonderful behaviour the whole time.
"You acted very grown up and were so good, I'm so proud of you" I said.
"Grown up?" he responded.
"Yes, you acted very grown up and responsible today, that was excellent"
"I'm a grown up?" he queried again.
"Well you acted very grown up" I told him.
"Mummy, I'm almost a grown up - when I'm 5 I'll be a grown up"

Oh he is just delightful. He earned his treat.
I learned my lesson - that they don't get to come to Walmart until they pee first.