I don't want what you're selling!

What *really* happened.

*ring ring
Me: Hello?
them: *silence*
Me: HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO???
them: Mrs McLoid?
Me: Who's calling please?
them: This is the Globe and Mail
Me: I'm on the "Do Not Call" List
them: Oh Newspapers are except
Me: Oh that's a shame, because I don't want your newspaper
them: You don't want the Globe and Mail?
me: No
them: Ok thankyou *click*


What I really WANTED to say
*Ring ring
Me: Hello?
them: *Silence*

me: Look here you morons, the correct response after I pick up and say hello is not to make me say Hello AGAIN - If you call me and don't have the courtesy to reply when I pick up, I am going to be in a foul mood and certainly won't want whatever it is you're selling.

them: Mrs McLoid?

me: No - that is not how you pronounce my name. I'm not sure who you were expecting to answer the phone - The Queen of England perhaps - but generally, when you call someone, and you have the name right in front of you - that's who's going to answer - Not that it matters - because even if I said I was Mrs. Alphagetti - I'm sure you would have tried to sell me your stupid product wouldn't you. To whom do I attribute this annoying call to?

them: This is the Globe and Mail.

me: OH The Globe and Mail. I presume you are calling to ask me to buy your newspaper. I don't. If I did, I would buy it. It's conveniently located in all grocery stores, convenience stores and newspaper boxes. Why I could even pick up the phone MYSELF and request a subscription. If I wanted to. But I didn't - do you know why? Because I don't want it. The reason I joined the Do Not Call List was so I could protect myself from people like you calling to bug me to purchase something that I don't want or need. I realize you are just doing your job - but I REALLY detest cold calling. It's an annoying job, and unfortunately you are annoying.

them: Newspapers are exempt

Me: Well that is a shame - because I'd really like to saddle you with a $5000 fine for calling me and not answering when I pick up.

them: You don't want the Globe and Mail?

me: You seem surprised by this. I suppose you just buy everything people suggest to you. Would you like a half eaten peanut butter sandwich? It's only 4 million dollars, and I'll throw in a free disposable camera and a nifty T-shirt with a picture of a fish on it if you do. No, as surprising as this may be to you, and it's not personal, at least it wasn't before your lack of a timely response when I answered the phone and not not being able to pronounce my name. So yeah, I guess I personally don't want whatever you are selling, and really resent the intrusion of the phone ringing when I am in the middle of other much more important things. Just hang up now ok? Here - I'll go first *click*

them: Ok thankyou. *click*