The right to buy arms

I have a hard time explaining things to the kids sometimes - they are just so literal about everything, and as much as I've always wanted to be honest and straightforward with them, I find more and more that the questions they ask become difficult to answer honestly given their limited understanding on such things as death and taxes, and it's much easier on both of us to give a pat sort of fibby answer at times.
Sometimes when I say things like "Don't throw cups of water all over the bathroom floor when you're in the tub" and they ask me "Why" it is much easier to say that it will make the tub fall and the house collapse, then to try and explain to them how water damage on the ceiling is incredibly costly to repair, not to mention it's a nuisance for me to clean up 3 inches of water in the bathroom, and I hate using my socks as a mop when I go to the bathroom to pee. They are very adept at making up excuses and counteracting anything I say with some justification of their own.
So I guess I don't fib so much as I overexaggerate to simplify and make a point.
On Thursday, Matthew in typical 3 yr old fashion was busy NOT putting his seatbelt on in the van, choosing instead to climb over seats, sit in the driver seat, and procrastinate to the point where even I with the patience of - well of a mom being pushed dangerously close to the edge - finally started the van and then put my brake on, just before my wheels left our driveway.

This served to toss my 35lb child, who refused to buckle up the harness in his seat to be catapulted ever so gently into the back of the passenger seat.

"See?" I told him."It's important to always buckle up when the van is moving"

"Why?"

"because if we were even in an accident, you would fly much further than that and could get very hurt"

"Could I fly?"

"You might fly right out the window, and get hurt by other cars!"

"Then what would happen?"

"Then you could get your arms ripped off or something!"

"Then what?"

"Then you wouldn't have any arms!"

"Well then I would just get some new ones at the ARM STORE!"

Yeah, I don't think he understands really, how flying through a glass window, and having limbs torn asunder could be more serious than a mild inconvenience to be fixed by purchasing new limbs for, oh 99.9 cents (Isn't that the current price of gas per Litre right now? - I know it's an arm AND a Leg)

In any case, Mr. Snappy Comeback was buckled in by me against his wishes because He "Wanted to do it myselfffffffffff".
Tough beans little boy.

The funny things that came out of their mouths this week though - this is one of the joys of being a parent; the other one being taking those horrendously embarrassing pictures that have a tendency to re-appear at their weddings or while visiting with their prom date.

One evening amidst the nightly chaos of getting 3 kids into jammies and bed-time rituals, the TV somehow got tuned into Wheel of Fortune. As the contestent de jour yelled out his guess; "R", Matthew's attention was immediately drawn to him, and he asked "Is that guy a pirate?" I mean, why else would anyone yell out "Arrrrrggg" unless they were a pirate, because we all know that's the noise that pirates make - even when they are trying to disguise themselves as contestents on game shows.
Vanna of course did not have to walk the plank, so they quickly lost interest and we finally got the kids to bed.

This morning, I distracted the kids from jumping on my bed by making cinnimon toast and letting them watch Blues Clues.
They haven't been watching it for very long - in fact, I don't think they even recall the days when it was STEVE hosting Blues Clues, but now since Steve has gone off to pursue higher education, his little Brother JOE got the handy dandy notebook gig.
Little animated characters talking to a real live person who dances funny and gets way too excited about the mail coming.
But the kids love it, and now I love it, because all those little animated characters said "HI JOE" and my 2 yr old non-verbal Joey boy who has never even so much as turned his head when I call his name unless it is followed by "want a cookie?" looked directly at the TV and said "Hi"

Happy Mother's day to me!