"The Family Portrait" or Another Walmart Sucks Post

Stay tuned - I'm writing as fast as I can (ok I'm not, but I am composing slowly, and will post the whole story in all it's horrid detail sometime within the next 8 hours, depending on how quickly I can get the monsters-er photogenic offspring to bed)

The Saga begins:

What do you get for Mother's day, when your mum doesn't need anything. This year I thought I'd get a family portrait done for all our mom's. It's been nearly 5 years since our last one, and to be honest, we've added two kids to the mix, so the old one really does look outdated.
Normally we go to Sears, but in true 'leave-it-to-the-last-minute" fashion, we found ourselves that Saturday at Walmart.

I have plenty of grievances about Walmart, yet I still shop there. It bugs me, because they are cheap, and I like to get things for cheap, but find that more and more it is becoming less 'worth it' for all the crap we have to put up with from the likes of Walmart. Everything from having only 1 of 18 checkouts open (I've never seen them all open, why do they have so many?) to the irritating 'greeter' that is less than helpful when dealing with an episode from one of my kids. I don't expect Walmart greeters to be experts in autistic behaviour, but I do expect them to respect me, when I TELL THEM that my child has special needs and not to exasperate the situation further, or to say anything inappropriate - both of which have happened in the past.

The most recent grievance now is Walmart portrait studios.
I had the boys dressed up - not truly dressed up, but in outfits nicer than typical jeans and spiderman T's - I'd managed to get a sweater on Matthew, and to get both the older boys out of the house without wearing anything from the Disney Store with the incredibles on it. I even wore makeup (well lipstick and eyeliner) and put socks on the baby and everything. We were set, and the promise of going to "the store" was actually something for the boys to look forward to, thus ensuring that they would be on their semi-best behaviour.
We got to Walmart at 4 - and made an appointment at the studio for 5PM. At the time of making this appointment, I told them we wanted a family portrait, and there were 5 of us, 2 adults, and 3 children, ages 5,3 and 2. I thought by asking for this information that they would actually use it - they didn't. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

In order to kill an hour, we decided to walk across the parking lot to the local Tim Hortons, and grab something to eat - maybe let the kids use the bathrooms and be all ready for our session - full tummies, and empty bladders.
As it turns out, giving kids chocolate doughnuts before a photography session is not really a good idea. As we headed back across the parking lot to Walmart, with out kids practically flying in a sugar rush, we arrived exactly at 5pm for our designated appointment.
My first problem with Walmart portrait studios is that they only have 1 person there at any given time. One person to take appointments, sell pictures, Take pictures, and look after the studio. This is just pure stupidity.
When we arrived the girl told us that she had to change the film in the camera - it will "just take 5 minutes".

25 minutes, and 3 suger laden children climbing the walls and asking "are we getting our pictures done NOW?" later we finally were ushered into the 'studio' which is really a claustrophic hallway type area with backdrops.
Problem #2 - Their 'portrait rooms' absolutely suck. They are small,and are not even private - full view of the checkouts, and no doors to keep wandering 2 yr olds safe. Yes, I'm sure we had indicated that we had 3 YOUNG children - children who do not like to be kept waiting in a small area and told not to touch the passport camera/flash that was sitting IN THE WAITING AREA practically begging to have small children play with it.

Problem #3 - The 'photographer' was no better than a trained monkey operating a camera. The main difference being that a monkey wouldn't be able to yell at my kids for not 'posing' better.
Excuse me, but you kept us waiting in a room for 25 minutes, expecting 3 small kids to not be fascinated by neato equipment out in the open, and then you usher us into a closet area with no doors, and place three kids up on an elevated perch, tell them to lean in, look at the camera and smile on command while you try (badly) to make the baby smile.
Unreal.
I have to tell you that my youngest son is one of the happiest babies in the world. He laughs at just about everything except for Walmart photographers. Maybe it was the long wait, or maybe it was the grumpy girl barking orders at the older boys to "don't look at your brother", "look here", "Don't blink" - I mean she didn't even have a funny word to make them smile - like "bananapants" or "stinkycheese".

Problem #4 - the 'method' of picture taking is the most idiotic thing I'd ever heard of. Basically, they take a picture and you have to decide whether you like it or whether you think you can get a better one. If it's not perfect, you have to weigh the odds of getting a better one, because they WON"T take another one until you decide keep or delete. If you keep, that's your picture. If you think you can get a better one, they keep taking more pics, but they don't save the ones they already took (even though in this digital age, it wouldn't be difficult to do so) so if the pictures just keep getting worse and worse and your kids get restless and decide that they've had enough, and you think, maybe that first pic wasn't so bad - well you're outta luck, it's been deleted.
After 15 minutes of this NONSENSE, and boys who were obviously tired of this photography session and not willing to cooperate, I finally said we were done. We will just take the next picture. So we did. And as I had promised my oldest, 'just one more and we'll be done' - photographer informs me at THAT point that she was required to take 6 more poses after we decided on the initial picture.
"No, we're done - really - they've had enough" I told her.
"But I have to" she whined. I guess this is where Walmart *thinks* they will make money by charging 20$ a sheet for the 'after poses' since there is bound to be at least one shot that is better than the picture that they forced you to choose initially as part of their 'package'.
I let her take her next 6 pictures if she did it in 30 seconds.

Problem #5. I decided that in order to at least get one decent pic, without spending a fortune, I would get the digital version of our session for 10$. they put it on a floppy disk. A FLOPPY DISC. I mean, I don't even have a computer with a floppy drive in it anymore - I believe that is 1990's technology. However, given that all the computers in the studio looked to be around mid-late 80's Dell computers, none with CD readers, let alone burners, I just shook my head and collected my $10 coaster thoroughly convinced that I was not going to drop a penny more at Walmart Portrait Studios ever again.

I thought about writing a letter to head office, detailing our poor experience, and inquiring about their antiquated equipment and policies, but I was afraid they'd send me a complimentary photo session, and really that would be too painful to even think about.

Anyway - Happy Mother's Day, Mom, Elizabeth and Judy - Sorry we didn't get that lovely family portrait done. We did get this though.
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And this
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And of course - This little gem
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Don't worry - I'm working my photoshop magic - hoping to salvage something from the session....my sanity, or something.