Help; the bank is run by nitwits! They have my money!

About 4 or 5 years ago, I opened an account for Duncan at our bank, so he would have something to put birthday money into etc.

I remember at the time, having to jump through a hundred hoops to get him an account in his own name - including getting him a Social Insurance # (We have to apply for them).

Because he was a baby at the time - I had his debit card in my wallet and did all the deposits etc for him.

After a few years of not using it - it was a pain in the keister to keep his passbook up to date for the 10$ he received in birthday money. So I closed out the account.
Now it's been a few more years and I get a letter from the bank (or rather Duncan does) that unless I reactivate the account, they will charge a 20$ dormant account fee(youth accounts do not have service charges).

Thinking that I had gotten rid of the account 2 years ago - I phoned them and was told that because I was not Duncan, they couldn't do anything by phone - even though I am his mother and he is very much a minor. They insisted on speaking with Duncan, who I informed them was in bed, because he needed to be up for KINDERGARTEN in the morning.... I offered to wake up my 5 yr old so they could ask him some questions - he is able to verify his name and phone number without coaching, but for some reason they declined.

I'll admit I was a little snarky - and made them repeat that even though I had closed out the account 2 yrs ago - and was receiving the letter in error, I had to go to the bank personally, or they would charge 20$ for their error.

Banks hate admitting mistakes, and I know the calls are recorded, so it was satisfying for me to hear her say "that's correct". Excellent. While I'm thinking of how I can force the bank to eliminate my service charges for a year for the hassle this is causing me, I put the paper aside for when I have time to make this annoying little errand.

A month goes by, and I have been given 60 days to take care of this or get service charged up my wazoo and it's already February, so fine - I take time off my busy day of cruising the BZ boards and playing Sudoku games to go into the bank (with 2 pieces of ID for Duncan) to close out the account - again.

Turns out it was never closed (my bad - or yet another bank error?), just dormant and there's $88 in it.
Apparently last time I went into the other branch to close it out there were flying monkeys working there who only pretended to close it out, and my saying I wanted to close it out was just a figment of their imagination - nevertheless, I will try this again- but I can't close it out - because the bank where we opened the account neglected to give me any signing authority on the account.
So tell me - Is it regular practice for banks (or flying monkeys) to be handing out accounts to babies without putting their parents on as signing authority? I mean, they can't even reach the ATM's yet - so it would be impossible for them to do any transactions on their own, let alone that they are still drooling and only have 4 teeth.

So now - I have to take my 5 yr old to the bank after school - so he can get his $88 before the bank steals $20 for not making them do any work in 2 yrs. I wonder if he's been earning (a pathetic rate of) interest?

Interesting that the bank managed to find Duncan's new address - even though I'm positive he never informed them - so his account *must* be linked with ours in some way....unless the bank is actually doing some sleuth work. Oh they are tricky buggers aren't they?

She was trying to get me to keep the account open....but I'm of the opinion that it's not my decision, and when faced with the prospect of having a veritable fortune of $88 in his pocket, Duncan will opt to take the money and run - to the nearest candy store....Sorry bank.


UPDATE: So 3pm rolls around and I pick up my son and we head off to the bank!
By 3:05 there is a lineup that stretches halfway to Arizona so we settle in for a long wait - all the while, I'm fuming, because if this had just been done right, I would have been able to do all of this by phone- or even when I was in earlier before there was a lineup. In any case when we reached the wicket finally, and let her know what we wanted to do - what does she do? She takes Duncan's ID - checks it, and then hands ME the papers to sign to withdraw the money.

Without saying a word, I handed the pen to my 5 yr old who very carefully in the best printing I've seen from him yet - wrote his first name D-u-N-c-a-N (with the N's printed backwards - it's very cute).
Teller didn't blink when the paper was handed back to her - she just put it in the drawer, and counted out $88.45 which practically had Duncan in a Trump induced dizzy spell - giddy at the thought of such a fortune about to placed in his hands.

Knowing that I want to teach him responsibility, but also not prepared to have him lose it - I let him have 40$ and put the rest in my wallet for safekeeping. Then we headed off to Walmart so he could spend it

He is such a good shopper - he picked out a car for 19.95 because then he knew he'd have some money left over. Nice to see that my stingy - er, I mean thrifty ways have passed on to the next generation.

He thought about getting some magnets - but when he realized he'd have to put the car back, decided not to get them after all. That's when he spotted the bike.

He really is due for a larger bike - he's almost 6 and still rides a little 12" - he's nearly worn the training wheels down to nubs but he loves his bike. The new bike was black and yellow - and was much bigger - 16" - almost too big, but he managed to ride it throughout the store, and wanted the bike over the little toy car. Price tag said 69.95 - more than I was planning on letting him spend - until I saw the sale sticker - the bike was on sale for $30!!!
His eyes lit up when I said he had enough in his pocket to buy that bike, but he'd have to put the car back.
No problem - he was buying himself a new BIKE!!

It's really quite nice - and came with lots of reflectors and silver streamers on the handlebars. It was the only bike on sale, and the only bike that size that we could see. Talk about good timing.
We left walmart with a new bike and a new little wallet (courtesy of me) for him to put his change into.

He's a happy camper - and having bought the bike himself with his own money has been such a good thing for him.

So Thumbs up for Walmart having a little sale, at the right time, on the right thing :)
Thumbs down for the teller at Walmart who didn't know how to ring the bike in, and made us wait a good 15 minutes calling supervisors, and muttering about UPC codes, and sale prices and stuff - I don't really care - I want this bike, at the price advertised - and in a timely fashion.

Thumbs down to the bank who gave us 88 dollars based on the 'signature' of a 5 yr old - I feel like my money is so secure now (sarcasm).

I'm thinking Banking might be a good career for Matthew - you have to rigidly adhere to rules regardless of whether they make sense of not, and have a prevailing attitude that you can do no wrong. He's perfect.