just blithering on...

Summer is halfway over. That's good - because I'm ready for school to start - sort of.
While Im looking forward to sending them to school - and knowing where they are and that they aren't bored, I am kind of enjoying this 'get up when I feel like it' routine and making lunch? what's that? Oh no - if the kids are hungry they grab a quick sandwich and a drink and I don't have to find something that will fit in a 6 x 8" lunchbox without leaking or spoiling or getting too warm or too cold or anything like that.
If they want peanut butter sandwiches - they have 'em. If they want a hot dog, or ravioli or even macaronia and cheese - they can have it.
Most days they've been surviving on apple juice, kool-aid and popsicles - it's hard thirsty work riding bikes all day you know.

So I haven't had to do too much this summer. I'm feeling lazy and rather unmotivated to *do* anything - and that includes blogging - which kind of annoys me - because I like to read my friends blogs. They pretty much write everyday and I get such a kick out of reading about every little thing going on in their lives....and then I check mine, and oh yes, nothing's changed - look Jenn hasn't blogged since the 12th of July - why that's 2 weeks - what a dull sort she must be. or lazy. because funny things happen and I have a little giggle and then because I'm lazy and selfish, I don't bother sharing it - or maybe I think it's only funny to me and it's only a little blurby thing and why would anybody care to read about trivial mundane stuff like that.

I have some really amazing friends. They are thoughtful and considerate, and half the time I feel woefully inadequate because I don't deserve these friends.
These friends are so good at doing little things - writing on your FB wall - remembering little details of your life to ask you about, sending little cards and notes in the mail and then there's me. I love them, but really, I'm starting to get a complex because I just don't think. It does not occur to me to do the things that I see them do on a regular basis, and when hear of all the wonderful things that people do for each other I want to kick myself and say " DUH, why didn't *I* think of that?"
How come I am not naturally thoughtful like they are?
How come I don't think of something to ask them about instead of sitting here acting disinterested?
It doesn't matter how much I tell them that I think they are great - because for some reason, I can't seem to show it.
It makes me angry. At me. I wish I were a better, more considerate, more thoughtful person. But I'm not. How fortunate for me that for some reason they continue to be friends with me.